Relationships are Me With Me Game
What if every relationship you’re in is really a mirror?
Stay with me.
Imagine every conversation, conflict, and quiet moment with another person as a reflection. Sometimes the mirror is clear. You see your strengths, your care, your patience. Sometimes it’s foggy. You mostly see what you don’t like, what hurts, what feels unfair. Either way, that mirror is showing you something about your relationship with yourself.
When we treat relationships like a “me-with-me” game, we stop trying to fix other people and start learning from what each moment reflects back to us. This isn’t about blaming yourself or becoming a doormat. It’s about honest self-ownership and gentle courage: seeing your part, naming your needs, and choosing small actions that build deeper connection.
A simple way to see clearly: Pluses & Deltas
Take one relationship and do this on paper.
Step 1 — Pluses (What’s working):
On the left side, list every small thing that is working: moments of care, respect, shared laughter, helpful habits. Be specific.
Step 2 — Deltas (What could be better):
On the right side, list the “deltas”: what’s missing, confusing, or painful. Write them as possibilities, not complaints.
Use this stem: “It might be more effective if…”
“It might be more effective if we agreed on quiet hours after 10pm.”
“It might be more effective if I paused before replying when I’m stressed.”
This turns blame into clarity and opens the door to real requests.
Two-week attention reset
For the next 14 days, give your attention to what you can see, own, and do.
Daily, jot down three lines:
I noticed… (something that worked, even if tiny)
My part is… (one truth you can own without self-attack)
A tiny repair I can make is… (one action you will take today)
Example:
I noticed we laughed at breakfast.
My part is I raised my voice last night.
A tiny repair I can make is to say, “I’m sorry for my tone. Can we try that again?”
Small actions that change the tone (start today)
Name one need, plainly. “I need a clear plan for school pickup. Can we decide by 8pm?”
Ask instead of assume. “Would you be open to…?” beats “You never…”
One breath before you speak. In through the nose, out slowly. Pause, and then respond.
Make a quick repair. “I see how that landed. I’m sorry. Here’s what I meant.”
Appreciate out loud. Name one thing they did right. Make it specific and sincere.
Set one gentle boundary. “I’m happy to talk after dinner. Not during work hours.”
Simple reflections (journal prompts)
When this person triggers me, what part of me is asking to be seen and heard?
What’s one thing I deeply value in this relationship that I can nurture today?
Where am I hoping they will change instead of having to make a clear request?
If I looked in a clear mirror, what truth about me would I see here?
What would make the next 10 minutes between us more kind and caring?
Bring it home
Relationships don’t get healthier because we finally find the “perfect” person, or the perfect words, or someone else changes. They get healthier because we keep showing up with honest attention to our inner landscape, small repairs, and simple courage. The mirror gets clearer every time we do.
Your next step (5 minutes):
Pick one relationship. Draw the Pluses & Deltas. Make one request. Offer an appreciation. Take one breath before your next reply.
That’s how big change starts. One small, caring step at a time.
The Four Step Process of Communicating From the Heart