Flourishing = Acknowledging Your Ancestors
I grew up different. While other young boys were outside, I was in the kitchen watching my mom cook, fully annoying her because “boys don’t belong here.” I couldn’t memorize recipes, so I studied the patterns of cooking. I read homeopathy books for fun and made a little kit for common issues by tenth grade. I didn’t fit the norms in my family or culture, and for years my relationship with my mom was tense, always ebbing and flowing. Only in her last years did we come into the closeness I had always sensed—even from the womb.
After mom passed, I grieved and regretted. But I also felt a doorway open: if I acknowledge my mother and all my ancestors—the commonwealth I stand upon—perhaps I can unlock their blessings. What follows is the simple process I used. Take what serves you. Leave the rest.
Why acknowledging ancestors helps + science lens
Rituals help us heal. Simple personal rituals after loss reduce grief by restoring a sense of control—even for people who don’t “believe” in rituals.
Gratitude practices work. Gratitude journaling and related exercises (letters, lists) reliably improve mood and mental health in randomized trials and meta-analyses.
Family stories build resilience. Knowing your family history like strengths, struggles, “how we got here” is linked with higher self-esteem, better family functioning, and a stronger internal locus of control in youth (and it helps adults, too).
Our bodies carry echoes. Some research suggests that severe parental trauma can leave biological “marks” detectable in their children (for example, methylation changes around stress-response genes). Findings are still evolving, but they point to real intergenerational links.
Breath settles the system. Slow, diaphragmatic breathing (about six breaths per minute, with longer exhales) increases heart rate variability (HRV) and calms the nervous system and makes reflective work safer and clearer.
A simple practice: Your ancestral tree & blessing ritual
Time: 30–60 minutes the first time; 10 minutes to refresh. Supplies: Paper, pen, optional photos/keepsakes
1) Draw your tree
Start with you at the bottom. Above you, write your parents. Above them, your grandparents, then great-grandparents, and so on. If you don’t know a name, write the relationship (“Mother’s father’s mother”). Let it be imperfect.
Let this sink in: Your parents contribute ~50% of your DNA each; grandparents ~25% each; great-grandparents ~12.5% each. Your body is a living archive.
2) Feel their presence in your body
Sit upright. Place one hand on your heart, one on your belly. Breathe slowly: inhale 4 counts, exhale 6–8 counts for one minute. Whisper, “I am the living continuation of my lineage.” Notice sensations of warmth, tightness, emotion. Let them move and pass.
3) Add stories: struggles and prosperity
For each person (start with parents, then move up), note two things:
Struggles & survival. What did they endure? War, migration, illness, loss, exclusion, hard labor, failed crops, broken hearts?
Prosperity & gifts. Not just money, also craft, music, faith, humor, wisdom, land, language, recipes, affection, spirituality.
If you don’t know, ask a relative or record a best guess. The point is connection, not perfect facts. As you collect these stories, you’re building the “intergenerational self” that research shows strengthens identity and resilience.
4) Two thank-yous for each ancestor
For each name, say (out loud if you can):
“Thank you for surviving.” Acknowledge what was hard and their resilience that moved through them to you.
“Thank you for sharing your prosperity.” Name their gift and how you carry it forward.
This is a gratitude intervention in your own lineage which is small but steady and powerful.
5) Invite the blessings to flow now
Close your eyes. Breathe slowly. Ask: “Where do I need more resilience? Where do I need more prosperity?”Imagine that ancestor’s quality flowing into your life today. Then commit to one action that honors it.
6) A weekly action (pick one)
Cook one ancestral dish or a modern twist on it; savor slowly and share the story.
Write a gratitude note to a living elder (or to a late one and read it aloud).
Record a story from a parent/aunt/uncle on your phone. Title it with the ancestor’s name and what you learned.
Create a small altar and spend 3 minutes there each morning.
How I hold both sides?
On my mother’s side, my grandparents and great-grandparents had immense wealth, but little warmth at home. On my father’s side, my grandparents were deeply spiritual with strong family bonds, but not wealthy. Each line knew a kind of poverty and a kind of prosperity.
So I thank my mother’s line for resourcefulness and enterprise, and I ask that their prosperity flow into my work without closing my heart. I thank my father’s line for devotion and connection, and I ask that their faith guide me through uncertainty. In this balance, I flourish.
Why this works
You change how the past acts on you in the present.
When you recall a painful family story and bring in new, corrective experience like gratitude, the memory can reconsolidate and its emotional intensity is updated. You don’t change the past; you changed your nervous system’s present response, which changes behavior going forward. That’s real and testable.
Acknowledges intergenerational influence, then steer it forward.
Parental trauma and stress can shape offspring biology and stress responses. This doesn’t mean you can send causes backward; it means today’s practices (breath, reframe, gratitude, healthy relationships) can interrupt transmission and improve outcomes for you, and for those who come after you.
Allows the future “pull” you.
We constantly simulate desired futures; those visualized endpoints guide choices now (sometimes called back-casting). Your “future flourishing self” can be a practical cause of present action, again, forward in time, no magic required.
Cautions
If your history includes trauma or complicated grief, consider doing this with a coach or therapist. Combine the ritual with slow breathing to keep your nervous system regulated while you reflect.
Epigenetics is not destiny. Biology is influence, not fate; supportive relationships, meaning and purpose, breath, movement, positivity, healthy lifestyle, and sleep all change our trajectories.